Day 4: A Song That Makes You Sad

I remember the day my grandfather died. I was 13, and I just came home from school then. The house was quiet and all I could hear was the sound of my grandmother crying. Everyone was gathered around his bed, hoping that we could have said goodbye one last time. He passed away an hour before everyone could make it. The only ones who saw him take his last breath were my grandmother, my brother, and the doctor.

It was not a surprise for everyone in the family because he had been bedridden due to diabetes for 5 years. Both of his legs were amputated to prevent gangrene from affecting the rest of his body. Despite being bedridden, it was beautiful how he brought everyone in the family together with his gestures and sign languages (stroke affected the part of his brain that controlled speech). As morbid as this may sound to some people, the hospital room always became a little family reunion - with the nurses, attendants, and doctors as extended family. Everyone always found little ways to keep the family's spirits up. We knew that we would lose him one day, but every day spent with him was a celebration of life.

He was a witty storyteller. Very imaginative and non-conventional. In hindsight, I may have inherited this trait from him - the quirk of coming up with random, disjoint, imaginative ideas.

He was a craftsman. He would make stools, can openers, coffee tables, and what-have-you's for the house.

He was a dreamer. He would tell us stories from his days. We could tell how idealistic he was and how that had not waned over the years.

He was a father. A husband. A grandfather to all of us.

No, his death was not a surprise. But everyday, we hoped we could spend one more day with him. So on the day he passed away, he left a void that no one else could fill. A void that would be felt with only love and fondness.

Whenever I hear this song, I always remember what I felt the day I lost my Lolo.

What Sarah Said

By Death Cab for Cutie

And it came to me then that every plan

is a tiny prayer to Father Time

As I stared at my shoes in the ICU

that reeked of piss and 409

And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself

that I've already taken too much today

As each descending peak on the LCD

took you a little farther away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines

in a place where we only say goodbye

It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend

on a faulty camera in our minds

And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose

than to have never lain beside at all

And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground

as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room

Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news

And then the nurse comes 'round and everyone lift their heads

But I'm thinking of what Sarah said

That love is watching someone die

So who's gonna watch you die?

Lolo, we know you're in a better place. Please continue to watch over us and know that you will always be in our hearts. P.S. Enjoy the free-flowing booze in heaven! :)